Flying

You get to the airport three hours in advance,
And wait with your suitcase in line.
They look at your passport, your bag gets conveyed;
As experiences go, it’s benign.

Then security’s next and the fun really starts:
Take your liquids, computer and shoes
And follow the rules as you pass through the scan
Or you’ll sing those security blues.

They may pat you and poke you in case you might be
A real terrorist hiding a bomb;
And despite your annoyance, you can’t let it show –
You must act very patient and calm.

When you finally get through, claim your bag and your shoes;
Please remember your laptop and belt.
Then you traipse to the gate and there isn’t a seat;
You’re so sweaty and hot you could melt.

You check out the bathroom and splurge on a snack
And at last they announce you can board;
As the crowds surge ahead, you get pushed to the rear,
With your dirty looks simply ignored.

So you walk down the aisle - to the last row, of course;
Stow your bag, settle down and get seated.
If your flight’s not direct, then you realize, alas,
The whole process will soon be repeated.

After endless announcements and many delays,
Take-off happens and you’re in the air.
If you’re lucky, you’ll sleep but if not, time will crawl
And you’ll wonder how long ‘til you’re there.

You may read, watch TV, eat a meal or converse
But you’re trying quite hard not to think
That you’re trapped many thousands of miles in the sky –
‘Cause that fact may bring you to the brink.

After hours aloft and some really bad food
And a couple of trips to the john,
You will find yourself back on the ground and you know
Soon the bad memories will be gone.

For the next time you fly, you’ll put up with it all;
Just like childbirth, the pain is forsaken.
That’s a positive thing, ‘cause if that weren’t so,
One flight’s all anyone would have taken!