Tsk Tsk

Homicide and genocide

Need punishments to be applied

And fratricide and suicide

Are awful – that can’t be denied.

 

But something else I can’t abide,

Although, in this case, no one died,

Cannot be what we take in stride –

A crime that’s known as verbicide.

 

Unlike insect- or herbicide,

Its perpetrators tend to hide

And, if confronted, they’d be snide;

Corrections down their backs would slide.

 

Some criminals are hanged or fried

But as for writers, here’s a guide –

To those engaged in verbicide,

May lots of tsking be supplied.

At the Pool Hall

At the pool hall, the bathroom was closed.

Pipes were punctured, the plumber supposed;

But some pro had to go,

Thinking no one would know

If his flow didn’t have him exposed.

 

So he piddled but there were some clues,

For some drops hit competitors’ shoes.

Soon a sign on the wall

Was a warning to all –

Players, please mind your pees and your cues!

Fact or Fiction

Why do I read only fiction

And my husband just reads non-?

Since so many fit this pattern,

To this puzzle I am drawn.

 

After many conversations

Asking people what they read,

Men like history or bios,

For the truth is what they need.

 

Women dive into a story

Where the characters seem real,

But the fact that they are not

Is what enhances the appeal.

 

Still, a book that is well-written,

Be it fictional or not,

Takes the reader on a journey

Via chronicle or plot.

 

But the female of the species

Goes on hoping and pretending

That the characters will flourish,

While the men all know the ending.

My Least Favorite Things

 Masks below noses and slush that turns icy.

Sharp thorns on roses and food that’s too spicy.

Waits for vaccines - the frustration it brings -

These are among my least favorite things.

Ted Cruz escaping while Texans are freezing.

Smoking and vaping and coughing and sneezing.

Ex-politicians who think they are kings.

These are among my least favorite things.

Cameras on Zoom that reveal every wrinkle.

Soggy French fries cut to needlessly crinkle.

Skeeters that itch you and bees giving stings - 

These are among my least favorite things.

When the sun shines, when the snow melts,

When I’m feeling glad,

I simply remember my least favorite things

And man, I start feeling bad!

4,004 Minutes

My sister-in-law wants to get the vaccine;

Went onto her state-sanctioned site

And what was before her up there on the screen

Was a number that couldn’t be right.

 

“Your wait time, in minutes, is 4,004,”

Presented with nary a smirk.

Now something like that’s pretty hard to ignore –

It’s no wonder those websites don’t work!

 

So many now struggle to line up a spot,

The government should be abashed.

Did my sister-in-law have success? She did not,

For the website, quite naturally, crashed.

The Oregon Dept. of Education

In Oregon, they’ve gone too far

In terms of education,

Instructing teachers hoping to

Prevent discrimination.

 

A course designed to tackle

Racial tendencies in math

States that “getting the right answer”

Sends kids on a toxic path.

 

Requiring the students to

Display the work they’ve done

Reeks of “white supremacy culture,”

As the message has been spun.

 

Instructors will be told not to

Perpetuate the thought

That there are always answers,

Right or wrong, that must be sought.

 

Before this, sports in schools declared

No losers were allowed,

For “everyone’s a winner”

Made each student feel so proud.

 

But mathematics in that model

Doesn’t quite belong,

For adding 2 plus 2

And getting 5 is simply wrong!

In the Future

In the future, I will bask

On golden sand, without a mask

And if somebody dares to ask,

I’ll say, “Connect the dots.”

 

I’ll dine in restaurants so fine

And sip the most expensive wine,

No mask to block these lips of mine

My napkin gently blots.

 

I’ll visit lands beyond the sea

Where monuments will welcome me

And I’ll go on a shopping spree

At all the tourist spots.

 

I’ll scope out landscapes, desert-red;

Watch sunset colors bloom and spread.

Such wonders wait for me ahead

That I can almost plotz.

 

This future, though, is far away

For Covid fears are here to stay

Despite the fact I can display

The proof of both my shots.