Solicitations

Mrs. Bauer, won’t you give
For multiple sclerosis?
Saying no is hard – what if
You had that diagnosis?

Charities that call you up
Annoy, invade, intrude.
They foolishly believe they’ll catch you
In a giving mood.

But often they just interrupt
And I cut short the call,
Feeling rather justified
And outraged at their gall.

Other groups in search of funds
Mail various appeals,
Laying on the guilt –
Do you know how this illness feels?

Help us find a cure for cancer,
Autism and tumors,
Alzheimer’s and dystrophy:
Such choices for consumers.

Feed the poor and look – this child
Needs one small operation.
Help out those disabled vets
Who suffered for our nation.

Send some kids to summer camp –
Support the Fresh Air Fund.
Israel needs your contributions
And should not be shunned.

I could name a hundred more.
The numbers are unnerving,
And every year I send some checks;
I know they’re all deserving.

But I won’t ever make a pledge –
I’ll cross you off my list –
If you keep calling me at home
‘Cause man, that makes me pissed!