Middle Names

What’s the point of middle names?
We hardly ever use ‘em.
The ones to blame are parents, though,
‘Cause they’re the ones that choose ‘em.

I know they sometimes honor
A relation who has passed,
But surely there are other ways
To make that mem’ry last.

My mother used my middle name
When angry, without fail,
And so I grew to hate it
(By the way, that name is Gail).

Just one more person called me by it,
Just to be contrary,
And that’s my cousin Bruce
(Whose middle name I cut to Larry).

I wonder how this all began –
It’s like an unsolved riddle,
For first and last names should suffice –
Who needs that useless middle?