The Spread of Crime

Students at Columbia
Are smart and also deft,
Yet someone’s figured out their scheme,
Which is a form of theft.

They aren’t robbing banks or stores
Or stealing from the dorms,
But something’s disappearing,
Likely carted off in swarms.

I’m talking ‘bout Nutella!
It’s a chocolate, nutty spread –
The perfect yummy nourishment
To slather on some bread.

It’s also quite delicious
From the jar onto a spoon.
With loads of it in the café,
Temptation’s opportune.

But now the secret’s out and so
The stuff may disappear.
The Ivy Leaguers may need other
Substances to smear.

The weirdest thing to me is that
This story made the news.
Nutella theft must be among
The campus’s taboos.

A parent would be reassured
While on a college tour
To hear the biggest crime was
A Nutella saboteur.