Pseudo Jews

I’m a pseudo Jew, are you?
Well, this is how you know:
Just once a year to temple
Is how often you will go.

Your house has a mezuzah
But so rarely do you kiss it,
If someone thought to steal it,
It would take a while to miss it.

When chomping on a burger,
You can bet it’s topped with Cheddar;
A crispy piece of bacon (treyf!)
Would make it even better.

On Chanukah you light the lights
And sing the dreidel song,
But only to the prayer’s first verse
Can you recite along.

Of course, you have a Seder,
Though you keep it nice and brief,
With Manischewitz Concord Grape
To prove your true belief.

On Rosh Hashanah, you will buy
A challah, soft and round,
And honey cake and brisket
Served with kasha in a mound.

You fast on Yom Kippur and yes,
You’ve thrown your sins away.
Perhaps you may reflect on this,
But likely you won’t pray.

The world is filled with pseudo Jews
But still, we are sincere
In wishing every Jew around
A happy, safe New Year!