Five-Inch Heels

A story in The Times about
Admittance into clubs
Discussed the people who’d get in –
No luck for average schlubs.

You have to dress in certain clothes
And have the right cachet;
If not, you’ll not get past the rope,
No matter what you say.

What really got to me the most,
Describing women’s dress,
Was mentioning the shoes they’d need
To guarantee success.

Of course, they must be “Christians” -
That’s Louboutins, soled in red;
Or else Manolo Blahniks
May be strutted in, instead.

In either case, the shoes should have
No less than five-inch heels!
I wonder if the bouncer at the club
Knows how that feels.

‘Cause even in my younger days,
When cool styles I’d embrace,
If I wore five-inch heels, I’d end up
Flat upon my face!

I hate the whole idea of clubs
Where bouncers pick and choose
The patrons they’ll allow inside –
Based solely on their shoes!