Spit

Why do baseball players spit?
It really seems quite gross.
Is it required, like a mitt?
A trainer’s daily dose?

And what exactly do they chew,
Like cud that’s mashed by cows?
Tobacco should be quite taboo,
Against their baseball vows.

Perhaps it’s seeds or sunflower shells
They load up in their cheeks,
And practice so each spurt propels –
Perfecting their technique.

It might serve as a tonic,
To help calm a case of jitters;
But it just looks moronic –
Seeing high-paid low-life spitters!

Didn’t each one have a mom
To stop that nasty habit?
Mothers watch them with a qualm –
They still do that? Dagnabbit!

Now at last I understand
Why baseball won’t permit
Women to join in the band:
Because they wouldn’t spit!