Royal Flush

I’ll never really understand
Why some things were invented;
Perhaps the explanation’s
The inventor was demented.

Of all the wacky things out there
That someone wasted time on,
Is something too ridiculous
To’ve even spent a dime on.

Its simple sheer absurdity
Should make its maker blush;
Of course what I refer to is
The automatic flush.

Who decided flushing toilets
Seemed like too much work?
Or did someone notice this was
Something people shirk?

Surely even kings and princes
Push that little handle;
Yet some inventor thought, like Edison,
He’d best the candle.

It serves no purpose; actually
It adds to water waste;
‘Cause often it repeats itself
When awkwardly, we’re braced.

So then we’re splashed and splattered
And, no matter how we rush,
We’re helpless, at the mercy of
That stupid royal flush.

I like modern conveniences -
Most help us, there’s no doubt;
But automatic toilets
I can surely do without!