Queen for a Day

There was once a TV show called Queen for a Day;
Its premise was really bizarre.
Contestants were chosen to prove to the world
How their pathos could lower the bar.

Their sob stories covered all manner of ills –
Like bankruptcy, jail or disease.
The audience listened and voted for one
More pathetic by several degrees.

A meter on stage measured all the applause
(For the claps equaled votes, one supposes).
Then the winner appeared and they gave her a crown
And a cape and a bouquet of roses.

There were tears, there were sighs and euphoria reigned;
Spirits certainly couldn’t get higher.
Then to top it all off, they presented the Queen
With a shiny new washer and dryer!

How that solved all her problems I never did get
But I learned that a washing machine,
If presented with roses, a cape and a crown
Could transform someone into a queen!