Know-It-All New Yorker

My husband won a contest

On a weekly FM quiz

To prove to all who listen

What a “know-it-all” he is.

 

The prize is a certificate

And maybe some acclaim

From the kith and kin tuned in

When Jeff*, the DJ, says your name.

 

A call came through soon after

For the winner’s home address

And Jeff playfully explained to us,

As if it would impress:

 

“Now when you get your certificate,

It’s valuable to you.

When you go out to a restaurant,

This is what you need to do…”

 

So we thought, free meal or discount,

But that wasn’t what he said,

Though he had us both in stitches

By what he exclaimed instead:

 

“If your table has a wobble

In one leg a little bit,

Take your prize and fold and place it,

Very gently, under it.”

 

Well, this “know-it-all New Yorker”

Learned just what his title’s worth

But it added to our day

With the injection of some mirth.

 

*Jeff Spurgeon, WQXR-FM, NYC