To Check or Not to Check

I do not like to check my bag
When flying on vacation.
A carry-on ensures I’ll have it
At my destination.

On routes that take me overseas
There have been times I’ve checked it
But never once have I been charged
So now I don’t expect it.

However, an upcoming trip
Includes a flight connection
With several hours in between,
So after some reflection…

I came to the conclusion that
A heavy bag’s annoying
To lift on board and off again,
My muscles near-destroying.

Unfortunately, Delta charges.
(Why’d the tour group choose it?)
I’ll bite the bullet but I hope
At least they do not lose it.

Chirp Chirp Chirp

In the middle of the night
In the middle of a sleep
I was woken up
By a chirping beep.

Each assertive peep
Grated on my brain.
If it kept it up
I would go insane.

We knew what it was –
Meant to stave off harm
‘Twas the battery
From the smoke alarm.

When the 9 volt dies
It announces such
With annoying chirps
No one likes too much.

So my spouse got up,
Made the beeping cease.
If a fire broke out,
Least we’d die in peace.

Old Flag

The flag that Betsy Ross did sew
So very many years ago
Had 13 stars for 13 states,
A flag that someone famous hates.

It represents a time, he said,
When hatred reared its ugly head,
For slavery was underway
Within the nascent U.S.A.

When Nike put it on a shoe,
Believing that was cool to do,
Objections stopped them in their tracks
And they caved in to tweet attacks.

The sneaker won't be up for sale
For Nike thought it wise to bail
As history keeps marching toward
A place where truth can be ignored.

The irony of Nike's loss
Of course resides with Betsy Ross 
For no one's proven for a fact 
That Betsy sewed the flag they sacked.

Hot Dog!

On the 4^th of July, there are fireworks shows
And barbecues, picnics and beer,
But there’s a tradition not everyone knows
For which only a few volunteer.

It’s a contest to see who can gobble the most
Hot dogs, eaten together with buns
And the winner, with trophy, gets mostly to boast
He can do what the average guy shuns.

The champ, Joey Chestnut, secured a new win,
His 12^th victory, pleasing his fans.
With his mouth opened wide, he did shovel them in,
Though his numbers fell short of his plans.

In just 10 minutes’ time, there were 71
That were chewed and made way down his throat,
Though last year it was 74 (each with bun);
Still, his effort got everyone’s vote.

As a watcher from home, I admit that, to me,
The whole contest is utterly gross
And I surely expected that on the TV
Some contestant would be comatose.

Body Count

A man in an HOV lane
Was driving in desert terrain.
A trooper passed by
And he asked the man why
When the HOV sign was so plain.

For restrictions require that two
Must be in the car subject to view
But the driver just said
Of his passenger, dead,
“I assumed that he counted. Who knew?”

See, the man drove an occupied hearse
Yet the rules, listing chapter and verse,
Don’t say occupants must
Not have bitten the dust,
Though a corpse at the wheel would be worse!

Snail Mail Registration

The bulletin for courses
Shows up twice a year online
With a registration coupon.
(I just finished printing mine.)

These are classes meant for teachers
(Just retired ones attend)
Which provide the opportunity
To learn or make a friend.

Certain listings each semester
Are most highly in demand
So not every registration
Will pan out as people planned.

Dilly-dallying’s a no-no
For the more relaxed who wait
To submit their course selection
May discover they’re too late.

Which is why I choose my classes,
Fill the form and write the check,
Stamp the envelope and hustle
To the post office like heck!

Getting Older

Every bone and muscle
In my body seems to hurt.
Is this my future – staying home,
Lethargic and inert?

I do my stretches but I’ve never
Been the limber sort,
Yet I still walk 3 miles each day,
I’m happy to report.

Is age the culprit or perhaps
A reason so much worse?
If it’s the former, we can’t make
The years go in reverse.

Yet other possibilities
Loom darkly in my mind,
Contributing some wrinkles
To a face already lined.

I must admit that getting old’s
Annoying as can be
And what is most surprising is
It’s happening to me!