"Smoking Gun"

I ate the most delicious pizza
I have ever eaten.
You can search the world
And I don't think it will be beaten.

The chef, named Benny, has the touch;
His crust is made with beer!
There's one thing that I know for sure -
He's picked the right career.

The pizza toppings did include
A basil pesto sauce,
Smoked gouda cheese and provolone
(Not one crumb did I toss).

With roasted garlic, onions, too,
(The caramelized kind)
Pine nuts and tomatoes (sun-dried) -
It's the best you'll find!

The pizza's name is "Smoking Gun"
At Oak Creek Brewery.
Sedona, Arizona is
The place you have to be.

Of course, the scenery is grand -
Spectacular, in fact.
The vibes are friendly, stores are great -
Just get your suitcase packed!

And while you're here, there's one thing more -
When it is time to eat,
Head to the Oak Creek Brewery
To make your trip complete!

To Travel

Sit on a plane and the miles just zoom
To get to a new destination.
Now here I am where the cacti bloom
At the start of a desert vacation.

The flora and fauna are spiny and spiked;
The birdsong is pleasant and sweet.
Tomorrow's the mountains and I am psyched;
There'll be views and a little less heat.

It's a little escape from the daily drudge;
Time to take a break from your routine.
I am under the palm trees and I won't budge
'Cause I feel as relaxed as a queen.

Later on we'll go out, find a place to dine.
There are so many places to choose;
And with new foods to eat and a little wine,
There is really no way we can lose.

A traveling day can provide the key
To a door that will lead who knows where;
But wherever you get to, I'm sure you'll see
That it's wonderful just to be there.

Six Hundred Fifty Quilts

I saw six hundred fifty quilts,
Creatively displayed.
It was a dazzling sight,
Americana on parade.

They came from a collection
Gathered by Joanna Rose;
Though who the quilts’ creators were,
Nobody really knows.

The strangest part of all is that
Each quilt is red and white.
Ms. Rose had the collecting bug
And quite the appetite.

This treasure trove is on display
For less than one full week.
If you are in Manhattan,
I’d suggest you take a peek.

Just gaze upon that sea of squares
And you will be bewitched,
Imagining those women
As they passed the time and stitched.

Most specimens were never signed
Yet though they have no name,
Each quilter left a legacy
We honor just the same.

This exhibition made me think
That, though it’s never planned,
The objects that we treasure most
Are always made by hand.

Escape

The reptile house was closed
When we last visited the zoo.
The sign did not say why
And there was nothing we could do.

We all were disappointed
But just shrugged and walked away.
I gave it not another thought,
Then heard the news today:

The Bronx Zoo has reported
That a cobra has gone missing.
Its cage is empty and they’ve searched
But haven’t heard him hissing.

They do believe he still remains
Inside the reptile house;
Hiding in the dark, perhaps
To seek a rat or mouse.

Imagine if we’d gone inside
Before they’d realized;
A cobra crawling near your leg
Would make you quite surprised.

I wonder how that snake escaped;
It seems a mystery.
Perhaps he ate his keeper up
To thus procure the key.

No matter how he did it,
The Bronx Zoo is in a jam;
‘Cause nothing’s as unnerving
As a cobra on the lam!

Bridging the Divide

They’re changing all the bridges’ names
To honor politicians.
In New York City, people don’t like
Messing with traditions.


The Triboro now has a sign –
It’s called the RFK;
They waited over forty years
To honor him that way.


This week it was announced that next
The Queensboro will change.
It will be named for Mayor Koch
And that is really strange.


For one thing, he is still alive,
Expounding on all scenes;
And secondly, he never has
Lived anywhere in Queens.


I like Ed Koch – I am a fan,
But somehow this feels wrong;
I’m fearful that, before we know it,
This may come along:


The famous Brooklyn span will change
From icon straight to dump;
If it’s called Giuliani Bridge,
I think I’ll have to jump!

At the Zoo

The sea lions were bellowing;
The lemurs were a’leaping.
Flamingos stood upon one leg,
The rhino soundly sleeping.

Puffins paddled in their pond;
The tortoises were munching.
Peacocks strutted right to where
The visitors were lunching.

The poor gorillas seemed so bored,
But marmosets were frantic;
Hissing cockroaches were skeevy
And they looked gigantic!

We spent a lovely afternoon
Observing at the zoo;
How strange we humans must appear
From beastly points of view!

Liz

Elizabeth Taylor up and died;
The papers call her “Liz.”
We mourn for what she used to be –
That’s just the way it is.

A beauty, once, with violet eyes;
A siren on the screen.
Yet as a kid, I’d hated her,
Deciding she was mean.

She’s stolen Eddie Fisher
Right from Debbie Reynold’s side;
And then when Richard Burton came,
She wasn’t satisfied.

So out the window Eddie went,
(He got what he deserved.)
And Liz and Richard koochie-kooed,
Which everyone observed.

Though even Burton didn’t last –
By then I didn’t care;
A Michael Jackson friendship
Later caught the network’s glare.

She made the front page of The Times
In death, more than in life;
A “Pinnacle of Glamour,” she was
Seven times a wife.

Your memories of Liz will be
Dependent on your age –
As actress, sexy movie star
Or activist – you gauge.

But as for me, she’ll always be
The one who played the part
Of the frightening seductress
Who broke Debbie Reynold’s heart.

Castles for Sale

I read an article about
Some castles up for sale;
But buying one won’t make your life
A living fairy tale.

Sure, they look cool, with walls of stone
And turrets, moats and towers;
But think of all those rooms to clean –
It would take days, not hours.

And what about the heating bill?
‘Twould cost a pretty penny;
If you like electricity,
There maybe isn’t any.

For window treatments, you might need
A custom-made design.
Those middle-ages curtains
Seem to be on the decline.

When purchasing an ancient house,
Most people like to gut it;
But when you buy new furniture,
Ikea stuff won’t cut it.

You’d need some solid sofas
And a table seating fifty;
Of course, some tapestries and rugs
Would help the place look nifty.

In fantasies, a castle would
Be quite the place to live;
But when reality intrudes,
There’s lots of thought to give.

Which is the reason there are castles
Waiting to be bought;
Perhaps a knight and lady will find
Just what they have sought.

Reading on the Subway

When I am on a crowded train
I’d freak out, guaranteed,
Unless I had a magazine
Or book with me to read.

I tune out all the body parts
That press against my own;
And I am in my reading world,
In which I am alone.

I focus on the written words
And gobble up each story;
By doing so, I can ignore
Surrounding territory.

I catch a glimpse though, now and then,
And always am amazed
At people who just sit, with their
Expressions slack and glazed.

To me, my subway reading
Is both calming and required;
I get to where I’m going
With some knowledge I’ve acquired.

And best of all, my mind has been
Completely occupied,
So I could not obsess
On all the ways I could have died!

An Ambulance

When you hear an ambulance,
It puts you on alert:
Someone’s had a heart attack
Or somehow gotten hurt.

Living in the city, there’s
That siren’s strident blare;
So constant and familiar,
It’s too commonplace to scare.

Yet still, I often wonder
‘Bout the passenger inside,
And know that all his fears
Are likely being magnified.

Perhaps this trip’s her very first
Or possibly, the last;
No matter which, I’m sure
That heart is beating extra fast.

An ambulance can save your life
‘Cause nothing will impede it;
But better yet, is hoping that
You’ll never ever need it.

Merger

I used to have T-Mobile;
Now I have AT&T.
I just heard they are merging,
But it’s all the same to me.

My service once was spotty,
But I switched and it improved.
I wonder what will happen when
This merger is approved.

Will that T-Mobile girl in pink
Start thinking – what the hell?
I’m putting down a company
I work for now as well?

I only hope when they unite
My calls they do not drop;
If so, I guess Verizon
Will be next in line to swap.

Winter's Pull

The buds have started blossoming,
The brittle temps are easing;
But I am worried for the flowers
'Cause they must be freezing!

Some days behaved like springtime,
But then the cold returned.
The plants must all be so confused,
Their patience more than earned.

They'll have to wait a while more
Before they bloom in full.
We have to hope that spring will soon
Be free of winter's pull.

Pick Your Poison

Bedbugs or lice?
Roaches or mice?
Hiccups or hives?
Hellholes or dives?

Twister or quake?
Spider or snake?
Virus or flu?
Vomit or goo?

Lava or oil?
Blister or boil?
Tumor or stroke?
Bankrupt or broke?

Cave-in or crash?
Gunshot or gash?
Ringworm or fleas?
Detox or DT's?

Poisons abound
And targets are found;
Not much you can do
But hope they bypass you...

Your Gut

Sometimes decisions are harder than hard;
You’ve sunk yourself into a rut.
If that is the case, there’s just one thing to do:
Don’t agonize – go with your gut.

If you try to examine things every which way
And weigh all the cons and the pros,
You’ll get yourself tied in a strangling knot,
Never knowing which way the wind blows.

Instead, just imagine yourself with choice A
And then picture choice B and reflect;
If one image appears more enticing to you,
Then you’ll know which decision’s correct.

So stick fast to your guns – don’t think twice or allow
Anybody to help change your mind;
And give credit where credit is due, for your gut
Helped to free you from out of a bind.

Puddly

Walking in the park today
My mind was sort of muddly.
I had to watch each step I took
Because it was so puddly.

So when I tried to concentrate,
Each thought got me befuddled.
I’m glad I was alone –
It was too messy to be cuddled.

The trees and bushes, though, appeared
To have a bit of budding;
And up above the clouds were out,
Enjoying bursts of scudding.

Some daffodils were poking through
In little groups and huddles.
I guess it doesn’t pay to grouse
About some piddling puddles.

Disasters

The news is filled with misery –
Tsunamis, earthquakes, death;
While we sit safely watching,
Some are taking their last breath.

It’s hard to get a handle on
Disasters miles away,
Even when the TV news
Has photos on display.

It’s practically impossible
To really comprehend
That cities have been flattened,
Ways of life are at an end.

We’re glued to cable images
Of scenes so sad and tragic,
Yet we can turn the TV off
And poof! They’re gone, like magic.

Of course, they aren’t gone at all,
Just hidden from our view;
The people in disaster’s grip
Just have to wait it through.

We’re grateful we’re a world away
As meltdowns cause concern;
But what I think about is when
It next will be our turn.

The Ides of March

“Beware the ides of March,” ‘twas said;
And Julius Caesar soon was dead.
The soothsayer made that prediction –
Fact was woven into fiction.

Romans didn’t fear the ides.
It meant the middle, which divides
The second half from the beginning –
Switching sides within each inning.

Yet Shakespeare made us all quite wary;
Thus, the ides of March got scary.
Who knows what may thus befall us?
Death may choose today to call us.

Most won’t give it any thought –
Better than to be distraught;
Still, for those who do not care,
Here is some advice – beware!

Decaf

When I am drinking coffee,
I like it strong and hot;
No milk or sweetener at all,
Just black will hit the spot.

I don’t need any flavors –
Hazelnut is not my thing.
I even like it perked –
To old traditions I still cling.

But lately when I’m with a crowd
And coffee’s on the scene,
Most people there will ask for theirs
Devoid of all caffeine.

Now, decaf coffee never tastes
Like anything but fake;
It’s obvious if I am served
Some decaf by mistake.

Yet many people, as they age,
Give it, but I don’t get it;
Keep the caffeine in my cup –
I never will regret it.

If decaf is the only coffee served,
I will decline;
Instead, I will enjoy dessert
With tea, or better, wine.

Social

Some weeks just work out
With lots of plans involving friends;
Other days you’re on your own –
The timing just depends.

The week that passed was filled, for me,
With dates to socialize;
And every situation
Had so much that gratifies:

Clever conversation, laughter,
Yummy food and wine;
Sharing tidbits from our lives
And no one out of line.

In a restaurant or home,
With music or without,
Discussions and good feelings flowed;
Sweet vibes were all about.

It’s wonderful when we connect –
It satisfies a craving;
We humans sometimes need to see
Our social selves behaving.

Lingo

A long time ago, saying you were on line,
Meant you stood someplace waiting to pay;
And twitter or tweet was reserved just for birds
To describe what their chirps would relay.

A text was a hardcover book that you used
In the classroom when you were in school;
And a nook was a place where you curled up to read
And to kindle meant firing up fuel.

4G meant four thousand, a cell was a jail,
And a Smart phone meant using a shoe;
A hi-fi was there to make music sound good –
Wi-fi? People would not have a clue.

Though our lingo is constantly changing, I know
Sometimes old definitions still work,
But not always – for it wouldn’t really be cool
If you ordered your shake from a jerk!

Umbrelletons

Yesterday had rain and wind,
Both feverishly pitched,
Because of which, you might have seen
Umbrellas getting ditched.

Today I started counting
All the skeletal remains;
I spotted thirty-two in all,
On sidewalks, bins and drains.

And that was merely on a stretch
A mile or so in length;
Just picture Mother Nature’s glee
In showing off her strength.

She turned umbrellas inside out,
Destroying all their spines
And laughing at the humans
So betrayed by weak designs.

Imagine all the soaking souls
With broken down umbrellas;
I was nearly one among
Those sopping gals and fellas.

But my umbrella held its own,
Its handle tightly clenched;
The whipping wind upturned it –
I got wet but hardly drenched.

Still, we should mourn the flimsy ones,
Discarded and deserted;
And maybe somehow repetition
Might yet be averted.

Vitamin D

My doctor, who is most efficient,
Took some blood from me;
It seems that I am quite deficient
In Vitamin D3.

I googled it and what I found
Caused me to just recoil –
My diet, which I thought was sound,
Needs some cod liver oil;

Also egg yolks and sardines,
Mackerel and milk,
Liver, salmon and cuisines
Containing all that ilk.

If left untreated, I could get
Alzheimer’s or depression,
Obesity and, still a threat,
Some cancers’ slow progression.

Of course, with just a little pill,
A vitamin to swallow,
Most likely I will not get ill,
Those warnings ringing hollow.

I’ll take the vitamin, but not
The liver oil or fish;
And soon I will be hot to trot,
But what I really wish

Is that I’d use an ancient cure,
Which would be much more fun –
My D3 levels sure would soar
By lying in the sun!

The Star Spangled Banner

I heard somebody sing a song –
He made a few mistakes;
It was a song he should have
Gotten right, for goodness’ sakes!

So many people get it wrong –
Sing “for” instead of “o’er;”
I think when singing anthems
You should learn the words before.

Perhaps he didn’t understand,
(He wouldn’t be alone)
That “o’er” is short for “over,”
Which he really should have known.

I’ve heard this error many times.
It always makes me cringe;
For someone’s ignorance should not
On other folks infringe.

But when we’re standing, hands on hearts,
A patriotic sight,
It shouldn’t be too much to ask
To get the lyrics right!

Upside Down Tags

You’re looking at some jewelry
In the shop of a museum –
The price tags all face upside down
So nobody can see ‘em.

This happens, too, in any store
Where jewelry’s on display.
You’d think they’d make it obvious
How much you’d have to pay.

But maybe in some business school
Where retail sellers go,
They learn to turn the price tags
So the prices never show.

I find it most annoying
And perhaps this strikes a chord;
But worse is finding out it costs
More than I can afford!

Shouldn't Have

I shouldn’t have yelled when you broke the glass bowl;
I should have been better at keeping control.
I shouldn’t have eaten that second dessert;
I should be more pleasant instead of so curt.

I shouldn’t feel bad ‘cause I wasn’t selected;
I should know my life really won’t be affected.
I shouldn’t feel guilty someone was excluded;
I should understand we all can’t be included.

I shouldn’t feel jealous I’m second or third;
I should realize that caring ‘bout that is absurd.
I shouldn’t obsess over each ache and pain;
I should know that such worries leave nothing to gain.

I shouldn’t, I shouldn’t – it does me no good;
I’d stop saying “shouldn’t” – if only I could!

Randy Newman at Town Hall

Seeing a favorite performer perform
Is like eating a favorite meal;
You know what you’re going to get, after all,
But that only improves the appeal.

The songs are familiar; you know all the words.
In the meal, you can peg all the spicing.
Both the opening chords and aromas provide
What your brain registers as enticing.

Still, no matter how often you’ve heard every song,
Despite savoring every last taste,
Just having the real thing in front of your eyes
Proves the truth on which memory’s based.

So you sit in the dark and absorb every note
And get transported back to the past;
And the taste is exquisite because, as you know,
Times like this are not destined to last.

At the end of the show, you jump up and applaud;
All the audience basks in the glow.
For a couple of hours we let go of the years,
Tasting flavors that simmered just so.

Rejection

There are often times in life
When, over one’s objection,
Circumstances may conspire
And you may face rejection.

Certain occupations tend
To head in that direction:
Actors, writers, artists all
Experience dejection.

After all, not everyone
You meet will feel affection
For what you might be offering
Upon a close inspection.

Though they may admire
Several parts of your collection,
Others may present their wares
As nearer to perfection.

Still, in my experience
And after much reflection,
There’s only one thing you can do
For your own self-protection:

Never take dismissal
As a sign of imperfection.
Keep your confidence intact –
No need for resurrection.

Hold your head up – let a smile
Enhance your bright complexion;
Prepare yourself, cause come what may,
It’s not your last rejection.

Off

Sometimes you feel slightly off –
Maybe it’s a pain or cough.
Possibly you’re way too tired
Or the opposite – you’re wired.

You may have a little chill,
Or just feel a little ill.
Could be you are hot and sweaty,
Dizzy or a bit unsteady.

Stomach troubles may be perking;
Maybe there’s a virus lurking.
Or might it be in your head
Where all the anxious thoughts are bred?

Don’t let others start pooh-poohing
If you think that something’s brewing.
Likely there’s no problem – but,
Be vigilant and trust your gut.

Still, with just some extra rest,
You may wake up and feel your best;
‘Til that time, you shouldn’t scoff
When you are feeling slightly off.

Balance

Many a time in a tropical clime,
A lizard will leap into view;
And then it is gone in the blink of an eye
Because that's just what lizards will do.

If one hangs around, clinging fast to a screen
And you get very close to observe,
You can marvel at how it's so perfectly formed,
With its tail sometimes looped in a curve.

And then - snap! It takes off, so incredibly fast,
Like the running elite in a race;
And you realize few creatures could ever compete
With that lightning reptilian pace.

Nature's funny that way - it's a balancing act
From the lizards right down to the snails;
And each being proceeds as a part of the plan
So that balance most always prevails.

Falling Asleep

There are those who fall asleep
As soon as they’re in bed.
Other people toss and turn
Or count some sheep instead.

If you’re lucky, you’ll be out
As soon as there’s no light.
Others rarely sleep more than
An hour every night.

Have much sleep you really need
Can vary case by case;
But when you do not get enough,
It shows, right on your face.

So nighty-night; I hope your slumber
Comes real quick and deep;
And may you have a lovely dream
To keep you fast asleep.

In the Freezer

In my freezer, you will find
Bread of almost every kind:
Cut baguettes and sourdough;
Bagels, lined up in a row.
Breakfast muffins, garlic knots,
Pizza so good you could plotz.

Also, ice cream – Ben & Jerry’s;
Maybe, too, some frozen berries.
There may be leftover meat
And always cake or something sweet.
Coffee’s there, from Trader Joe’s
And noodle pudding I once froze.

Ice cubes do complete the scene;
There’s not much space left in between.
A health food nut would feel quite lost
When seeking something to defrost.
He’d criticize each single crumb,
Yet in my eyes, it all spells YUM!