Hoggin' the Seats

Seats in Starbucks seem quite scarce
‘Cause laptop users hog ‘em.
Dirty looks won’t make them move –
Perhaps it’s time to flog ‘em.

Sitting in a precious seat
For hours seems quite piggy,
Even if they’re doing work
Or tryin’ to get jiggy.

Other people want to sit
When sippin’ brews or snackin’;
No one has the nerve to ask
Those gluttons to get packin’.

Selfishness today appears
To be the status quo.
Perhaps a Starbucks laptop charge
Just might be apropos.

AWOL

In this modern day and age
When someone can’t be reached,
You must assume avoidance means
That etiquette’s been breached.

You leave a message on the phone
And write an e-mail, too.
You can’t think this communication
Hasn’t gotten through.

So you assume this person
Doesn’t care to hear your voice.
With several ways to reach you, well,
He surely has a choice.

The option to ignore you
Is the one it seems he’s chosen.
Your choices now are limited –
You’re mired, stuck and frozen.

And so you wait and stew a bit
‘Cause you just can’t believe
The person you must really reach
Has up and taken leave.

In years gone by, such actions
Would anxiety produce;
But nowadays I shake my head
And think - there’s no excuse.

Paint-by-Numbers

Remember Paint-by-Numbers?
I loved them as a kid.
You filled in all the numbered spaces
Marked out on the grid.

You had your plastic pots of paint,
Each one a numbered match.
Creative juices didn’t flow,
No effort made from scratch.

Yet if you stayed within the lines,
A masterpiece appeared.
You didn’t need instruction
So no parents interfered.

The end result produced a smile
And bursting sense of pride;
A feeling of accomplishment
Just couldn’t be denied.

A lashing out at Lego toys
Brought back my painted treasures.
Some criticize new Lego sets
Which, though providing pleasures,

Deprive the seed of fantasy
Existing in each child
From blossoming and thus,
Imagination can’t run wild.

A Lego Star Wars figure
Builds just that and that alone,
Preventing kids from coming up
With patterns of their own.

To this I say, just let them play
Or paint or draw or build.
Whatever talents wait inside
Will somehow be fulfilled.

Baked Potatoes

The comedian Mitch Hedberg
Made a brilliant observation:
To cook a baked potato,
You should just go on vacation.

Heat the oven, toss the spud in;
Head out for the tropic sun.
You’ll come back, all nice and tanned
And then that sucker will be done.

For a truly baked potato,
Crispy skin and mushy “meat,”
Seems to need a lot of hours
‘Til it’s soft enough to eat.

Then with sour cream or butter
And a healthy dose of salt,
You can dig in and enjoy
But if it’s hard, you’re not at fault.

For it’s true that most potatoes
Take quite long to cook inside,
Which is why we are indebted
To the French, who made them fried!

Digital Detox

Check your cell phone at the door
And welcome to the bash.
No technology allowed,
So ditch your secret stash.

Cut yourself off from your friends
And give your thumbs a break.
We have experts who can help –
Withdrawal’s hard to take.

There are fun activities
To keep you occupied.
Make a bracelet out of hemp –
Materials supplied.

Play some ping pong – shoot some pool;
There’s a foosball table.
Watch some old-time TV shows
From years preceding cable.

Test your typing skills – clack clack;
The paper’s on a roller!
Note the errors you can make
When you are the controller.

Everyone’s invited –
See if you can pass the test,
A night to disconnect
And give those mobile phones a rest.

These parties really do exist –
Restraint is in one’s power;
But most of the participants
Don’t even last an hour!

Slightly Fat

I heard about a study
Which had proof that where it’s at,
In terms of living longest,
Is to be just slightly fat.

When one weighs sixty pounds too much,
That person is obese.
The chances of a lengthy life
Have started to decrease.

But someone who is overweight
By up to thirty pounds
May outlive all the skinny folk,
As crazy as it sounds.

There’s cause for celebration
For the chubby and the plump;
And dieters may pack it in,
For science holds the trump!

My New Year Wishes

Health’s the most important thing;
As such, it tops my list.
Peace within ourselves and where the
Problems do persist.
Yesterdays preserved and packed, a

Nudge to look ahead.
Endless opportunity, just
Waiting to be fed.

Young or old, no matter, must
Envision and devise
A means for us, this year, to reap the
Riches hope implies.